When Men Are Raped
Myth: Men can't be raped by women
Reality: The body responds to stimulus even when it is not wanted. Men can be sexually assaulted by women, just as some rape victims may become lubricated during the act due to the stimulus it happens to men too. Rape happens to everyone.
Myth: Men love sex, they wanted it.
Reality: Not all men are sex fiends, the stigma leads many to believe men can't be sexually assaulted this is false. No one wants sex all the time and if he didn't ask for it, didn't say yes and didn't want it IT IS SEXUAL ASSAULT.
Myth: Men who are raped by other men are gay.
Reality: Rape is rape and the fear of the stereotypes and stigmas may keep some men from pressing charges or seeking medical treatment. Being raped is not his fault and he didn't ask for it, this does not make him gay it makes him a victim!
Myth: Men can fight back.
Reality: Anyone regardless of gender can fight back, choosing not to does not mean that it was not rape. Fear, confusion, and physically freezing up are just a few of the reasons why one may not fight back.
When Men are Raped
Male survivors tend to question their sexual orientation more often than women who have been raped. Sometimes men will experience an erection or ejaculate during their assaults as an involuntary response to physical sensation, intense fear or pain. This may lead the survivor to question whether or not he somehow wanted to be assaulted or that perhaps he may be gay.
In a confusion between rape and sex, many men will become homophobic after their assault falsely equating same sex rape with homosexuality.
Unlike women, men are never taught to live with the fear of their own vulnerability to sexual assault. When they are raped they may experience a heightened degree of pure shock and surprise, finding it more difficult to understand what they have gone through. Some men will feel that part of their masculinity has been stripped away and that they have been feminized, or are somehow less manly because they have been sexually violated. Male rapes tend to have a higher rate of weapon use and physical injury, multiple assailants compared to the rape of women.
Men do not have widespread access to the resources, self help books and support groups that women survivors of rape have. Given the stigma surrounding male rape, most men suffer in isolation and attempt to deal with it by themselves.
Do's and Don'ts in Dealing with Male Rape Survivors
Do believe the man who reports a rape experience. Remember he has overcome great obstacles to be able to speak about what happened.
Do Tell him he is not alone, that approximately one in fourteen men is a rape survivor
Do Tell him that the rape was not his fault
Do Listen non judgmentally. Remember his experience is not any less traumatic because he is a man
BAAND PLEASE...
DO NOT:
Don't express discomfort with issues and conversations related to sexuality. This might be one of the foremost areas of concern and your uneasiness might cause him not to mention it again.
Don't panic if he is suicidal. This is a common aftermath of male rape. He will best be calmed by a conversation where he is able to express what he is feeling. Point out to him that he is alive and has survived the assault. Make him aware of the fact that he is not alone and that there are other male survivors out there. He needs to know that it is possible to recover from the trauma
Don't Tell others. Protecting his anonymity or confidentiality is vital.
Don't accuse him of being homophobic, if he indicates hatred or fear of gay males. However at an appropriate time, inform him that most men who rape self identify as heterosexual. Rape is to control, humiliate, degrade the victim; it is not for sexual gratification.
Copyright (c) 1998 Homesafe Rape Crisis Center (Homesafe Rape Crisis Center offers special thanks to Ohio State University Rape Education and Prevention Program for their source book "When Men are Raped." 1997)
