Important Information About Escaping Domestic Violence
Danger! Separation Violence
Danger! Most people think that once a woman leaves an abusive relationship, she is safe. In fact, THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST DANGEROUS TIME OF ALL in the relationship! When batterers think they "own" their partner, her leaving can seem like the ultimate betrayal. They think they have the right to get even. (Saudners & Browne, 1990; Dutton, 1988; Bernard, et. al, 1982).
Almost three quarters of domestic violence injuries serious enough to need medical attention happen after the victim/survivor has left (Stark and Flitcraft, 1988).
Almost three quarters of all calls to law enforcement regarding domestic violence occur after separation from batterers.
About half of the homicides of women occur after they separate from their batterers.
When should a women decide to leave an abusive partner? Only she knows the answer to that. Below is an article provided by the Women's Justice Center.
The Best Strategy for Breaking Free of Domestic Violence Is often the Exact Opposite of the Strategy for Surviving in Domestic Violence. In order to survive in a domestic violence relationship women usually do everything possible to avoid offending or upsetting the abuser. While living in a d.v. relationship most women avoid asserting their own power. They especially avoid a show of power that might in any way be seen as a challenge to the abuser's power. In addition, in order to survive in an abusive relationship, women usually minimize the physical and mental harm to themselves. Women bury their own resentments, needs, and pain and stay intently focused on the needs of the abuser. Women trapped in domestic violence relationships are also generally very careful not to reveal the abuse to others in order to keep others from confronting the abuser and setting him off on another round of attacks.
These survival strategies aren't unique to women in domestic violence relationships. These are the survival strategies practiced by prisoners of war, slaves, citizens of totalitarian states, and by all human beings who find themselves trapped living under violent, oppressive regimes.
Escaping from the abusive partner, on the other hand, generally requires the exact opposite strategy as that used for living in the relationship. Escaping requires gathering your strengths and asserting your power against the abuser to the maximum extent possible. It requires focusing intently on your own and your children's needs while suspending your vigilance for the needs of the abuser. And it requires repeated and open telling of details of the abuse to others so they can best help you in your specific situation.
It can be very difficult and very frightening to make this kind of a sudden shift in your behavior especially when you are exhausted, beaten down, and in terror. So the more you can rehearse yourself mentally for this shift, the better you'll be able to focus your energies when you need them.
Call your local domestic violence crisis center (in Merrimack County it's 1-866-841-6229) to ask for help in making a safety plan.
