RDVCC
Domestic Violence and Children: How to Help
By Donna Raycraft, MA, CFLE
Executive Director, RDVCC
The impact of domestic violence on children is significant. Studies estimate that 10 to 20 percent of children are at risk for exposure to domestic violence. So think of 10 children that you know. Statistically speaking, at least one of them is being affected by violence in the home.
Perhaps you have a neighbor that you suspect is being abused in her own home Maybe you have been a victim yourself. Perhaps when you were a child you witnessed someone you love being abused.
We know that one of the biggest reasons that victims/survivors stay in relationships is to protect the children. They often take the punches, literally, so that their children will not have to. Parents will do things for their children that they would not do for themselves. What if they knew that:
· Children exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of PTSD, such as bed-wetting or nightmares…that they have a greater risk of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu (Journal of Pediatrics).
· Children whose mothers experienced domestic violence while they were in the womb have increased risk of being aggressive, anxious, depressed or hyperactive (Archive of General Psychiatry).
· Girls who are exposed to their mothers being abused are more likely to become victims of dating violence (American Journal of Health and Behavior).
· Children who experience childhood trauma, including witnessing domestic violence, are at greater risk of having serious adult health problems including tobacco use, substance abuse, obesity, cancer, heart disease, depression and a higher risk for unintended pregnancy (ACE Study).
· Boys who witness their mothers being beaten are more than twice as likely to be perpetrators of abuse themselves (Journal of Interpersonal Violence).
Victims/survivors often think that children are unaware of the violence. They talk about the children being out of the house or in bed or engrossed in television. In fact, children know pretty much everything that is going on in their homes, whether they talk about it or not. Children in homes where there is violence are particularly sensitive….their radar is more honed than other children’s….because they often have to do what is necessary to be safe or to keep the violence from escalating. That might mean staying in their rooms a lot. It might mean spending more time at their friends’ than at home. It might mean trying extra hard to “be good” or to overachieve. And it almost always means keeping the secret.
It is never appropriate to try to talk a victim/survivor into leaving, but it is always appropriate to give her information. Only she knows when it’s safer to leave than to stay, but it can help her to make the decision about when that is if she is informed.
In addition to the information about how domestic violence affects children, you might want to tell her that she can receive confidential information, support and guidance from her local crisis center. In Merrimack County, that’s the Rape and Domestic Violence Crisis Center. The 24-hour crisis line (you don’t have to be in crisis to call) is 1-866-644-3574. The office numbers are 225-7376 or 225-5444. Crisis counseling is available free of charge to anyone who needs it. Advocates can help with getting restraining orders if she is ready. They can help safety plan if she is not. There are peer support groups for women. There is temporary shelter for women and children fleeing dangerous relationships. Victims/survivors of domestic violence have had their power taken away from them. But information is power, and you can empower them by giving it to them.
If you know someone who is being abused, call the crisis center for information on how to help.
By Donna Raycraft, MA, CFLE
Executive Director, RDVCC
The impact of domestic violence on children is significant. Studies estimate that 10 to 20 percent of children are at risk for exposure to domestic violence. So think of 10 children that you know. Statistically speaking, at least one of them is being affected by violence in the home.
Perhaps you have a neighbor that you suspect is being abused in her own home Maybe you have been a victim yourself. Perhaps when you were a child you witnessed someone you love being abused.
We know that one of the biggest reasons that victims/survivors stay in relationships is to protect the children. They often take the punches, literally, so that their children will not have to. Parents will do things for their children that they would not do for themselves. What if they knew that:
· Children exposed to family violence suffer symptoms of PTSD, such as bed-wetting or nightmares…that they have a greater risk of having allergies, asthma, gastrointestinal problems, headaches and flu (Journal of Pediatrics).
· Children whose mothers experienced domestic violence while they were in the womb have increased risk of being aggressive, anxious, depressed or hyperactive (Archive of General Psychiatry).
· Girls who are exposed to their mothers being abused are more likely to become victims of dating violence (American Journal of Health and Behavior).
· Children who experience childhood trauma, including witnessing domestic violence, are at greater risk of having serious adult health problems including tobacco use, substance abuse, obesity, cancer, heart disease, depression and a higher risk for unintended pregnancy (ACE Study).
· Boys who witness their mothers being beaten are more than twice as likely to be perpetrators of abuse themselves (Journal of Interpersonal Violence).
Victims/survivors often think that children are unaware of the violence. They talk about the children being out of the house or in bed or engrossed in television. In fact, children know pretty much everything that is going on in their homes, whether they talk about it or not. Children in homes where there is violence are particularly sensitive….their radar is more honed than other children’s….because they often have to do what is necessary to be safe or to keep the violence from escalating. That might mean staying in their rooms a lot. It might mean spending more time at their friends’ than at home. It might mean trying extra hard to “be good” or to overachieve. And it almost always means keeping the secret.
It is never appropriate to try to talk a victim/survivor into leaving, but it is always appropriate to give her information. Only she knows when it’s safer to leave than to stay, but it can help her to make the decision about when that is if she is informed.
In addition to the information about how domestic violence affects children, you might want to tell her that she can receive confidential information, support and guidance from her local crisis center. In Merrimack County, that’s the Rape and Domestic Violence Crisis Center. The 24-hour crisis line (you don’t have to be in crisis to call) is 1-866-644-3574. The office numbers are 225-7376 or 225-5444. Crisis counseling is available free of charge to anyone who needs it. Advocates can help with getting restraining orders if she is ready. They can help safety plan if she is not. There are peer support groups for women. There is temporary shelter for women and children fleeing dangerous relationships. Victims/survivors of domestic violence have had their power taken away from them. But information is power, and you can empower them by giving it to them.
If you know someone who is being abused, call the crisis center for information on how to help.
